The Hired Hand – Not just another blah-blah-blog

September 15, 2019

Epithalamion (a poem in honor of a wedding – in this case, a wedding doomed from the start)

Filed under: Uncategorized — Darcy Grabenstein @ 11:12 am

It’s my horror – I mean honor – to share a poem I’ve written in celebration of Bonnie and Clyde’s wedding. So let’s all raise our glasses in toast to these two crazy lovebirds.

Today we raise our glasses
in a celebration of wedded bliss
But is our glass half full
or is it half empty?

On this special day
our thoughts turn to those of love
But as a true friend
I think tough love is called for here.

Just because we’re in AC
is it worth the gamble?
The statistics are rather bleak;
half of all marriages end in – dare I say it? – the “D” word.

As the poet Oscar Wilde wrote:
“One should always be in love.
That’s the reason
one should never marry.”

In the Jewish tradition, we break a glass
to commemorate the destruction of the Temple.
Or is it merely a foreshadowing
of broken vows and broken hearts?

It’s no wonder in our wedding vows
we say “’Til death do us part.”
Think about it:
How often do you want to kill your spouse?

I speak from experience, dear friends
For my first marriage (yes, I took the plunge twice)
ended after 23 years,
two amazing sons… and too little joy.

Don’t take it from me.
Tom and Katie. Brad and Jen (or should I say Bennifer)…
And what about those who stuck it out?
Bill and Hilary, Donald and Melania – you get the idea.

A word of advice:
The issue of finances
is certainly one
that can tear a couple asunder.

If you ask me, marriage is a crime.
You say “I do.” I say, “Don’t.”
Save yourself the lawyers’ fees
And get thee an annulment, post-haste.

On that note,
let’s go ahead and enjoy the reception.
Eat, drink, and be married
… while it lasts.

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